People say dumb stuff to others all.the.time. Myself included.
That dumb stuff seems to escalate when you’re pregnant, when you have kids, and when you’ve been married for 2 minutes and don’t have kids yet. OK, pretty much at every chapter in your life, someone will have something completely dumb to say about your situation.
The moment I became pregnant with #3, it started. “Oh you’re probably hoping for a boy!” That’s like nails on a chalkboard and a whole other blog post…stay tuned!
Not only am I getting the usual weird pregnancy comments, I’ve recently stepped into the world of “Things people say when they find out you’re not finding out the gender of your baby.”
Before we begin let me clarify a few things. I completely 100% understand why people find out. I found out with my first two babies. I would NEVER say “Wow! You’re crazy! Why did you find out?!” so why would people think it’s crazy to not find out? Well, they do and I’ve heard a lot about my so called craziness in the past couple months.
1. “Don’t you want to know?!” – Of course I want to know who this baby is and I cannot wait to meet them when they arrive in this world. But, what people should really say is “But I want to know!” because they act as if my baby’s gender has some huge impact on their lives.
2. “Don’t you want to know if it’s finally a boy/girl!” – If you have one or more children already and they just so happen to be of the same gender, you WILL get this. This may be followed by “Were you trying for a boy?” First, I’ll be happy and full of love with any gender. Second, how exactly would you suggest me to “try” for a boy? Any tips? 😉 In all honesty, the gender just doesn’t matter to me. I could have 5 girls and be beyond happy in life. I have two girls right now and they are complete opposites. I don’t have 2 Sophia’s or 2 Penelope’s; I have 1 Sophia and 1 Penelope. Then I’ll introduce you to my best friend who has had four miscarriages and would give anything in the world to have a healthy baby, regardless of it’s gender. (That just got serious…) Gender disappointment needs to be shot dead and if you’ve had gender disappointment at one point, just consider yourself lucky you have that child. It’s not wrong to want a girl or boy, but if you’re trying to get pregnant to have a specific gender, that’s not a reason to have a child. I can only imagine people’s response if I could tell them the gender of this baby. If I told them I was having a boy, their response would be something like “finally!” or “Oh my gosh, it’s a whole other world, are you ready?!” If I told them I was having a girl, I would get some sad sympathy words about having yet ANOTHER precious little girl in my life. (Such a tragedy…) Being an emotional/moody pregnant woman I can’t guarantee I wouldn’t knock someone out or give them a piece of my mind laden with cuss words, if they said “oh no, I’m so sorry you’re having another girl, there’s always hope with #4”. Let me go ahead and puke right on your face.
3. “How are you going to prepare?!” – People…it’s a baby and I’ve had two already. The only thing I wouldn’t be prepared for is if something other than a human came out of me at birth. All I need in the first couple months is a place for baby to sleep, some clothes, diapers, and two things that are attached to me…my boobs. 🙂 Instead of “preparing” I’m actually saving money. When I had my first girl I bought outfits, bows, and shoes galore. When I had my second girl those shopping sprees didn’t stop even though she already had an entire wardrobe. With this pregnancy, I haven’t bought anything. Closer to delivery I will buy 5-10 returnable newborn outfits for a boy and 1 new “going home” outfit for a girl. If it’s a girl, my husband will bring all clothes bins out of storage; and if it’s a boy a quick phone call to some friends will give me enough clothes to cloth an army. I’ve already notified them of this.
4. “Oh man I could never do that, I’m such a planner!” – As if I’m the most spontaneous person on planet earth….Please tell me what you’ll need in your baby’s first couple weeks that is gender specific. Please go on and tell me what exactly you’re planning that can’t be gender neutral until the baby’s birthdate. Oh ok…I’m sorry you won’t have a monogrammed blanket, bottle, and hat when you pop that baby out. Trust me when I tell you that your baby will make it home alive from the hospital without having it’s pink or blue monogram plastered everywhere.
5. “How are you handling the wait?!” – In today’s “instant” world, it’s a breathe of fresh air to wait for something worth waiting for. I thought the 20 week ultrasound was going to be the hardest part to get through without finding out the gender since it would literally be inches away from my face, but the incredible amount of joy I got from just seeing the baby squirm around on the screen was enough for me.
6. “UGH” – Not finding out your baby’s gender will seem like it drives people crazy. This is the fun part and I truly love the “ugh”s when I tell people we’re waiting to find out. I’m not even sure what those ugh’s are all about.
7. “You’re definitely having a girl, look at your belly.” or “It’s a boy, I can tell by your face shape.” – This brings out everyone’s fortune teller skills. I’ve had my hand read, asked to stand up to get a good look at the way my belly is shaped, told my face looks a certain way, asked about my morning sickness, and even asked about my diet. These fortune tellers really love me because my previous pregnancies were completely different and both produced a girl. Que the confusion and defeated looks.
8. “But it’s a surprise no matter when you find out.” – I know this and I always say whether you find out at 12, 20, or 40weeks, it’s always going to be some sort of surprise. But the 40 week build up of excitement, joy, wonderment, and curiosity is a whole other experience! Seeing my baby and finding out if I’m gaining a daughter or son at the same time seems like something out of a movie when they hold up the baby and say “It’s a ____!!!!” Let me live in my hollywood moment…
9. “We wanted to keep it a surprise but we NEEDED to find out because _____________ (Insert any of the above).” None of the above reasons are reasons why you HAVE to find out. Unless there are gender specific medical issues (I don’t even know), there is no reason you can tell me on why you HAD to find out. Just suck it up and tell me you couldn’t wait to know because you HAD to know what bedding to purchase. I will understand. Just don’t say something that makes me sound like a total crazy person for not finding out. We’re all a little crazy when we’re pregnant. Truth.
10. “That’s going to be so exciting!” – THANK YOU to anyone who has said this to me. You are a wonderful person. 🙂 You’re probably also a person who would never tell a pregnant woman that she looks so big. Because that statement stops being a compliment when you’re 12 years old.