No matter how many kids you have, having a newborn or infant is terrifying. Well, having a 2, 5, 9, 16, 18, 21, or 65 year old child can also be terrifying, but there’s something completely intimidating when you’re handed the responsibility of a fragile human being who can’t even lift their head on their own.

It’s almost like you forget how to do everything and just because you knew how to breastfeed your first two kids, doesn’t mean #3 will be just as easy.

How can three kids, made from the same DNA, be so different, yet just alike at the same time?! It’s mind bottling.”You know when things are so crazy, you get your thoughts trapped, like in a bottle.” -Blade of Glory 

Although every child is completely different, the thoughts you have after bringing a new baby home from the hospital are about the same. 


  • Enters house: So now where do I put the baby?
  • Shoo away your first baby…your dog. Dog looks at you like, “so what am I now, chop liver?”
  • What if the baby starts choking? I don’t have the nurses at the hospital anymore. (Mini panic attack)
  • Please don’t choke, please don’t choke. Where’s that blue bulb?!
  • Nobody touch the baby! Get out of their face! 
  • Did you wash your hands?!
  • Looks at baby sleeping: I love you so much I might die! 
  • Hey! I can eat sushi now! Yells for husband to order sushi for dinner.
  • I’m so afraid to poop! Will all my insides fall out? 
  • How long is this bleeding going to last? I SO didn’t miss having a period…
  • Who in their right mind wears these huge pads by choice?! 
  • Who’s supposed to watch my baby while I sleep now? Googles ‘infant heart rate monitor’, looks at price, puts down phone. 
  • Are you breathing? (Ask every 15 minutes for the next year)
  • Are you choking? 
  • First night sleeping in your own bed, not pregnant: Ahh! It feels amazing to lay on my back, let’s try the stomach! Ouch my boobs!
  • Omg! You’re so cute! I want to eat you! 
  • Counts all 10 fingers and 10 toes because you forgot to at the hospital. Just making sure.
  • How exactly am I supposed to leave the house with 3 kids now? Sounds like a nightmare. Let’s just stay home. Who needs sunlight anyways?! 
  • How many times can this baby possibly eat? Give me a break!
  • Gets break: Wake up! I want to snuggle you!
  • Tries on pre-pregnancy clothes: I thought I’d be so much smaller by now. Laughs at self.
  • Dang, I have huge boobs! 
  • Can I have cheese? I hope the baby isn’t allergic to anything. Has cheese and baby cries all next day. Throws all cheese away.
  • Bites pillow in pain every time baby latches “shiiiiiiiiii…ok pains gone”
  • Holy moly! Your cry is so freaking adorable! (Regrets this statement after 30 minutes of baby crying in their car seat on the way to and from store) 
  • How am I supposed to give you a bath? Why is giving a baby their first bath such a terrifying thing? It’s like a bar of slippy soap you’re so afraid to drop. 
  • Why do you go through so many diapers? Looks at diaper stash that once looked huge.  
  • This baby is sleeping way to much right now…Will they keep sleeping throughout the night too? Answer: no!
  • Are you breathing?! Looks for chest movement. 
  • How many outfit changes are too many? 
  • How is our laundry basket already full?!
  • Can you see me?! Stares at baby and waits for them to make eye contact. 
  • Gets a moment to yourself. Opens bag of chips next to baby…baby moves their head. Start praying: “Please keep sleeping, please keep sleeping.”
  • Had 2 hours of sleep last night. Where’s the coffee? Can I have coffee? Mama needs coffee. Has cup of coffee and spends all day looking for signs that coffee isn’t agreeing with the baby.
  • Stares at baby in sleep deprived, delusional love gaze: What did I do with my life before you came?!

All these thoughts and moments are precious…and totally normal right?!